Three years ago, I nearly cancelled my wedding. It was June of 2013, one month before our ceremony, and I was angry, bitter, and unable to figure out why I was so conflicted. I felt disconnected - not able to connect to myself, let alone my wife to be Alysia. All I knew was that I loved her and yet, did not want to get married.
I know - how can two contradictory perspectives exist so strongly within a person? Having grown up in a home where my first memories were of fighting and conflict, I had created such a compelling story of failed relationships in marriage that I was fearful of it happening to us. Unable to resolve this within myself, I looked for support.
I found my awakening through deep meditation, facilitated by a Colombian shaman in a ritual ceremony (a story for another day). Not exactly what I had in mind, however, what I have come to understand is that there are larger forces at play, always conspiring in our best interest. When we seek, we tend to find.
Back to the awakening - through this ceremony, I awakened an aspect of my consciousness that I had not experienced since childhood. An innocence that I had thought was lost, a depth that I hadn't realized was still there. We identify these different aspects of mind as conscious, sub-conscious, and the Super-consciousness. Often, we spend most of our time within the conscious mind. That whooping 4% of our brain that we are able to access constitutes nearly 100% of our waking lives. What I had been experiencing was a gap between my head (Ego) and my heart (Essence). A matter of 2 feet, it was a distance far too great to reconcile.
The awakening that I experienced through this ceremony was one of Self and Truth. In connecting to these though, I was able to discover my purpose and how I can best achieve this in my life. Yet how many people will die without truly living? And moreover, what would a world of self-empowered, conscious individuals look like? This I why I am here, this is why I exist. To answer a question that, for the sake of all of us, we must answer.